The David Rating

There are conversations in your life that transcend complexity and deceit, invoke deep thought and tough decisions or inspires awareness and reflection. Sometimes a simple question spawns a conference of ideas - goals, hopes, dreams and innate possibilities - previously dismissed or unnoticed. Life is full of varying relationships (depth, intensity, intimacy, influence, etc.) which serve to guide you from your earthly beginning to your earthly end.

Relationships are the offspring of your makeup, who and what you are, and constantly push and pull you off the main road to draw the life shape that will hang in the hearts and minds of those you touch once you are gone. The picture of you they see comes from the impact you have on their life; the relationship you and that person shared. But more specifically, the picture is based off the relationship expectation versus the outcome (weighted by how much a discrepancy between the two means to them) of the relationship. In other words, if I believe you are marriage material and you turn out to be a better friend, how important I feel it is that you are my friend will determine if I see our relationship as a failure. If it were wife or nothing, not reaching that marriage level will have a bigger negative view than if I was ok with us being great friends.

I had a conversation today where a buddy of mine asked me what the "David Experience" was. In my twisted and overactive mind, I ran with the idea of describing that experience. But I took it a step further and described my experience in "The David Rating"; a listing of relationship levels that I think adequately describes how I perceive the flow of relationships. They are as follows:

• Buddy: Involves occasional conversation and the sharing of personal experiences, along with infrequent public outings (happy hours, etc). No intimacy is shared.


• Friends & Family: Involves all of the Buddy level, but with more frequent conversations and public and private get togethers. No intimacy is shared.


• Certificate: The lowest level of intimacy in The David Rating, but only on a private level. Communication is infrequent between each get together and personal connections are limited.


• Bronze: The lowest level of personal connection, but a connection nonetheless. Intimacy is more personal and contact is more frequent. Communication is more cyclical, but also more frequent. Public outings are minimal but may occur; although private encounters are the overwhelming majority.


• Silver: The best non-committal / intimate level. Intimacy is more intense and highly personal. Communication is frequent, and public and personal outings are discretionary. Extended encounters are voluntary and frequently occur. Dates, meals, massages and other extras are included random times and are sometimes done on request.


• Gold: Includes all Silver amenities with the added level of an exclusive experience, limited to just one person. In many ways, this level can be interpreted as a "relationship"; and includes all perks of being in a relationship.


• Platinum: Includes the Gold level for the rest of your life, or unless the agreement is terminated (i.e. divorce).

I ask the following questions of any two people in any relationship (answer individually and without the other person knowing the answer until you reveal together. Swapping answer sheets may be a good idea):

1. What level would you consider your relationship to be at right now?


2. Based on everything you know about the other person what level do you honestly foresee or want your relationship to top at?


3. With regard to question #2, would you be ok with your relationship staying at the current level and not moving to the level you chose in #2 (assuming the level was higher than the level chosen for question #1)?


4. If the level you chose for #1 was higher than the other person, how would you feel?


5. If the level you chose for #2 was higher than the other person, how would you feel?

Optional Additional Questions:

1. When you met the other person what level were you honestly looking for?


2. If the relationship with the other person were to dissolve, what level would you be looking for in future relationships?


3. What is the highest level a prior relationship ended at?


4. What is the lowest level a prior relationship ended at, that you wanted to go higher?

I think a lot about relationships in life and the footprint that is left on those I come across. While this post it directed at (in my case) opposite sex relationships, the idea of relationship accountability - treating people fairly and always being honest - should never be lost; regardless of what type of relationship it is.